Caution: Deeper Than I Appear

I take a lot of selfies. I wear a lot of make up (A LOT OF MAKE UP). Sometimes, I wear hair extensions. This tan? It's not real...Thank You Jergens Daily Glow and the occasional spray tan. I like designer brands. (I've also been known to shop at Wal-Mart for (gasp) clothes) I like to stage my home for guests to make them feel welcome and sure, why not be honest, impressed. I usually like to keep myself poised and in control. (except for that one time at my sis in laws bachelorette party which ended badly at a casino...so, so badly) Ok, maybe a few times in my twenties as well but we were lucky back then and didn't have smart phones to record all the evidence.

But I'm deeper than I appear. As one of my idols Dolly Parton says,

"I'm just a backwoods Barbie, too much makeup, too much hair. Don't be fooled by thinkin' that the goods are not all there. Don't let these false eyelashes lead you to believe that I'm as shallow as I look 'cause I run true and deep."

First off, I prefer to never have small talk. I want to talk about the meaning of life. Your life. My life. Philosophy, religion, politics, ideals, and make up. (had to throw that in) I want to know about your pains, your joys, and yes I will most likely link them to something that has happened in my life or is happening in my life to let you know...you are not alone.

Second, I am authentic. For me this means I'm honest about where I am in the moment. Sometimes this means I'm a hot mess, sometimes this means I've got my life together but that could change in a hot second. It means I don't have any intention of every correcting my grammar to say window siiiill and not window seeel (much to the chagrin of my husband). My grandparents are all amazing country folk who took me wading (I called it waving) in streams, and shooting guns, and dirt bike riding, and canning. Except one, and she taught me to dance like there was nobody watching. My country roots are one of my ALL TIME favorite things about me.

Oh, I see them looking at me...the judgers. I notice. I just pretend not to because really, it's none of my business what others think of me. Do I tend to put myself in the best light most of the time...sure. But a lot have seen me at my worst. Some have delighted in it. I rose above that. Under the make up and the fun selfies that I take for sharing and keeping for memories is just a person. A person who makes choices and I choose what I enjoy. My idol is Dolly Parton. I love her wit, her attitude, her music, her success. She's been judged for her look, used for her talent, and categorically underestimated. I pray that I can have just a little bit of that for myself.